For The Love of Money
Dear Lover,
If you've been on this journey with me during our PHG ride, you might be wondering whatever happened to the retreat. I never thought I'd share this story for two compelling reasons: first, the deep sense of embarrassment it invokes, and second, the profound shame it once carried. This experience has been a substantial learning curve, shedding light not only on myself but also on my complex relationship with money. It often felt like I was in a perpetual state of financial scarcity, and despite my awareness of the power of mindset, it genuinely seemed like I was robbing Peter, Paulette, and Patricia just to pay goddamn Paul. Then, an unexpected opportunity came my way, and I couldn't help but feel like I had stumbled upon a bit of luck, or so I thought.
Our paths intertwined when I stumbled upon Foxy's profile on Instagram while searching for a graphic designer. It was during a pivotal moment for The Professional Homegirl, transitioning from a blog to a podcast. Foxy came on board to assist, generously lending her skills to create graphics for my website and juice recipes (listen, I love a good juice okay!). In an instant, a connection sparked between us, fueled by our shared passion for entrepreneurship. The drive to leave our mark on the world united us, and it became evident that Foxy, who had been diligently grinding for quite some time (so she says, chile), saw this opportunity as a blessing, balancing the demands of parenthood and marriage with unwavering determination.
My curiosity was piqued when Foxy shared a lucrative business venture from her past that had generated an impressive $30,000 profit. During that period, influencers were collaborating with companies that oversaw the logistics, managing every aspect of the event, from securing the venue to coordinating talent and promotion. These collaborations often resulted in successful events, satisfied attendees, and profitable outcomes for all parties involved. You know my thirsty ass was feening to know more. In Foxy's case, she had partnered with a renowned hair stylist known for their wig expertise, which had led to her impressive earnings.
Foxy believed I could replicate this success with my own brand, and she proposed that we collaborate with well-known 'influencers' to create a retreat, set in Iceland at a luxurious hotel. Retreats were a trending venture among 'the girls,' and witnessing its success for others fueled my belief that it would be equally successful for us. I didn't fully understand it then, but now I can clearly see how this experience has highlighted the importance of refraining from comparisons because what might work for one person might not work well for another. Eventually, I was going to find out. Initially, I had reservations, given that The Professional Homegirl was still in its early stages. However, the prospect of earning a substantial amount of money was too enticing to resist.
We opted to collaborate with two influencers renowned in the business industry and well-regarded in their respective fields. The first was a shoe designer who garnered attention for herself by creating a buzz with a unique glass slipper. The second influencer was a widely recognized blogger who showcased individuals living a bomb lifestyle, someone I admired for her self-made success.
My excitement got the better of me, and without thoroughly investigating all the details, my focus remained solely on the prize - the money. So, we rolled up our sleeves and got to work. We divided the costs evenly, and I took on additional hours at my job to ensure the success of this event. Foxy managed the graphics for both the influencers and me, while I started promoting the event.
As the time approached for our influencers to promote the event on their social media platforms, the shoe designer made numerous posts. Unfortunately, despite our anticipation, these efforts didn't result in any sign-ups. We were particularly hopeful for the blogger's post, given her immense following, which at the time numbered in the millions. However, an unexpected setback occurred when her page was deleted, leaving us uncertain about its restoration and its potential to drive interest. Ultimately, her page was reinstated, but even with this development, it failed to attract any sign-ups. Another valuable lesson I learned is that men lie, women lie, and so do numbers.
At this point, I was filled with anxiety. Every last cent of my money had been invested in this retreat, and my financial well-being was hanging by a thread. Foxy seemed surprisingly composed, which left me slightly uneasy and annoyed. I couldn't help but wonder what she saw that I didn't. Her unwavering optimism contrasted with my intuition that this shit was a lost cause. I decided to give Foxy a call to discuss my thoughts of discontinuing the project. However, she didn't answer my calls, leaving me feeling frustrated and abandoned. It finally dawned on me: this bitch ghosted me! Just writing this shit gets me tight all over again lol.
Feeling cornered and not knowing how to proceed, I contacted the influencers to lay out the situation. I sought their understanding and requested some time to navigate the challenges, despite having contracts and deposits in place. Remind you, thousands of dollars were put down for the deposit for the hotel as well. To my surprise, the blogger responded with indifference, even requesting additional funds, a move that struck me as audacious. I chose not to respond and couldn’t stop thinking how this bitch had the nerve.
While I didn't anticipate them returning any deposits or offering assistance, I suppose I wanted them to grasp the severity of my predicament and perhaps extend a helping hand. After all, isn't that what sisterhood and women's empowerment are about—supporting each other in times of need? However, it struck me that sisterhood and women's empowerment take on unique forms for each of us. It became apparent that some individuals exploited this platform for their self-interest, revealing how trust and vulnerability within sisterhood could be manipulated.
One night, as I grappled with financial hardship and the profound loss of my Na-Na, I found myself on the rooftop's edge, consumed by unrelenting anger. It felt as though this anger had no end, and I questioned God, wondering why I had been brought into a world without the safety net that others seemed to enjoy. Why was I alone in the constant struggle, grinding through life and holding my breath? The weight of this anger became unbearable, and it pushed me to contemplate ending everything. In that darkest moment, my best friend stepped in, extending a lifeline of hope.
In the aftermath of that night, my emotional state remained fragile. The ongoing financial challenges and the burden of personal losses persisted, casting a lingering shadow over my life. The stark disparity between my aspirations and the harsh reality I confronted deepened the emotional toll. The retreat, initially envisioned as a symbol of financial triumph, had inadvertently transformed into a battleground for my emotional battles. When my roommate and I opted to go separate ways after our lease ended, the realization hit me that affording my own place was beyond my means. Each setback seemed to reverberate with the anger I had experienced on that rooftop, and the cumulative weight became nearly unbearable.
Facing financial hardship, I resolved to rent a room and gradually navigate my way out of adversity, a decision I ultimately succeeded in implementing. Operating without any external financial support, I grappled with internal anger and questioned my faith in God. However, amidst these struggles, I clung to an unyielding belief that everything would eventually align, driven by my unwavering faith in one undeniable truth—I believe in myself.
Fast forward to now, and I'm incredibly grateful for the lessons I learned during that retreat. It served as a pivotal moment in my life, teaching me a crucial lesson: to never compromise my principles, even when it may seem like a shortcut to success (BTW THERE ARE NO SHORTCUTS TO SUCCESS). I was so laser-focused on making money that I was willing to go against my own better judgment. However, this experience unveiled a profound reality to me – that not everything is as it seems, especially in the realm of social media.
Social media often presents a curated and distorted perception of people's lives and businesses. It's easy to be swayed by the illusion of grandeur and success that some portray. This retreat showed me the importance of not only staying true to my values but also approaching success with a critical and discerning eye. It's a reminder that genuine impact goes far beyond mere numbers and appearances.
This journey, with its twists and turns, led me to appreciate the value of authenticity and staying true to my convictions. While the retreat venture didn't unfold as planned, the personal growth and insights gained were invaluable. I emerged with a newfound understanding that true success encompasses not only financial prosperity but also integrity, genuine connections, and a commitment to one's principles. It's a testament to the resilience born from facing challenges head-on and the unwavering belief in oneself that can ultimately lead to a richer, more fulfilling success.
Moreover, this experience prompted a profound shift in my relationship with money. I realized that I had been living outside of my means, not taking money seriously, and treating it more as a convenience than a responsibility. It was a transformative moment, compelling me to view money as a powerful tool rather than a necessity. I had to stop blaming others for not teaching me better financial management and take accountability for my role in my many poor decisions.
Reflecting on my childhood, I recognized a pattern that contributed to my unhealthy relationship with money. My Na-Na, in her generosity, would often give me significant sums of money, even during my early years. Back then, I didn't fully comprehend the accessibility of asking for her financial support, unknowingly laying the foundation for an unhealthy dependency on money. I had grown so accustomed to having my Na-Na's support as a cushion that the realization hit me—someday, I would have to figure out my financial path independently. This awakening became a pivotal moment, prompting me to reevaluate my approach to money and foster a healthier and more responsible relationship with it.
This evolution marked a departure from the superficial pursuit of materialism to a more purposeful embrace of financial empowerment. It represented a journey from wanting to embody a "bad bitch" persona (I’m still a bad bitch okay!) to realizing that true liberation comes from leveraging financial resources to create genuine freedom—freedom to pursue passions, freedom to uplift others, and freedom to make a meaningful and lasting difference. This experience served as a poignant reminder that our relationship with money is an extension of our relationship with ourselves. It reflects our values, fears, and aspirations, and understanding this connection is a fundamental step in achieving financial peace.
Many of you may be curious about what happened to Foxy and those influencers. I'll be upfront and say that I haven't seen or heard from Foxy since she ghosted me. Believe me, a bitch was looking for her, but as I've grown and evolved, I've chosen to move forward because, as a wise woman once said, "you can never win when you're playing dirty." As for the influencers, in a strange way, I'm thankful for them, as they taught me that not everything that shimmers is gold, and that we're all playing the same game, just with different rules. This experience underscored the value of remaining true to my moral principles, as you never know which bridges may have been accidentally burned while forging your own path.
As I stand here today, sharing the highs and lows of my financial journey, I do so with a sense of vulnerability and strength. The scars from that ill-fated retreat venture have healed, but the lessons remain. They serve as a constant reminder that success isn't solely measured in dollars and cents. These experiences teach us that setbacks are not synonymous with failure; they are, in fact, stepping stones toward a more resilient and enlightened version of oneself—a version whose worth transcends any monetary value.
For those embarking on their own financial journey, I implore you to delve into the complexities of your relationship with money. This journey extends beyond budgets and bank statements; it's a journey into self-awareness and purpose. The significance of "For the Love of Money" goes beyond its surface; it unfolds as a narrative of love between oneself and the promise of a fulfilling life. The key to a richer, more meaningful existence lies in understanding the intricacies of this relationship.
Love,
Eboné
